Its choking, suffocating, fighting for air
take one last gasping breath.
Its the search to find a reason to raise this collapsed chest.
Searching for something to believe
I should'nt have to fight to breath.
I should'nt have to fight to breath.

(Wandering aimlessly)

My computer has something against this website, it wont let me log on.
Its kinda unfortunate.

This year ill try not to think too much.
This is my year for sure.

The sky only burns this bright at night.
Its in no way welcoming, dosent give off the slightest bit of warmth.
Do you remember what its like to be warm?
I can almost remember but theres no reignition.
You know where to look, i can tell, i could tell.
Why dont you show me?
Its been eluding me for so long.
The sky used to burn this bright every night.
I knew a place the flames came so close we could almost reach out and touch.
Though even if we did touch,
we could never get burned.

If there were accolades for procrastination i would probably win them all, disappointly they come with all the stress you would of missed out on for getting stuff done on time.
I dont know what i was thinking.
Lets pretend it never happened.

Straight edge never taught me much.
Its just something Ive learned to keep cool
and when theres nothing but cold comfort,
and i cant remember her name.
At least i was always a chivalrous fool.

I swear...
I swear......
We've lost it.

Its too late.
Always has been.
Always will be.
Too late.

my eyes are burning.
i knew it would be rough. Did you like it as much as i did?
The first ones definatly a winner. i guess theres only one person i could really believe
and i havent heard a word from there. Maybe i should share it some more, but then again...
my eyes are still burning
First impressions cant be undone.Its best i wait.

Buses tend to be unreliable. I accepted this and still left at my regular time. In Vienna i just randomly parked my car in what could of been a space to a casual observer, apprently the officer who ticketed me knew the difference. By the time i got off the metro in Dupont Circle i was twenty minutes late, by the time i finally got a bus to the cathedral the class was over;in fact they were leaving as i was walking in. I refused to have made the trip in vain so i still walked around and looked at everything. Met the professor outside the crypts where we discussed the finer points of romanesque and gothic architecture and took some pictures. After venturing forth to locate the return bus the rest of the day went as usual.
Hours later i got to finally sing the song i wrote two days ago aloud in my full singing voice, i actually like it. I wish it wasnt based off someones short story and was truly my own writing but im too much of a perfectionist to ever finish my own work.
At some point do you give up or give in?
Some times i get the feeling theres too much finality to this.

Its done, put a bullet in her.

You know its actually better in the dark. Theres nothing to see. Just the sound of recirculated air and the touch of processed linen sheets. Theres nothing out there that wasnt there when this light was on, so where did this feeling of dread come from. This forboding could be the reason for always waking in a cold sweat.There hasnt been a dream in months that could be remembered in mornings light, then again neither is this feeling. It only comes now, when its despised the most.

Your being irrational, we need to abandon ship.

...but then again, we always were the true believers.

Theres something about the idea of living in a city that appeals to me. Crowded streets and mass transit? I doubt its that, in fact i could probably name it but then i wouldnt want to believe myself. I plan on moving into dc this summer, of course i planned on moving anywhere last fall and as most of my brilliant plans do it failed miserably. I can lead us into battle but i cant fight the war, im gonna have to find some soldiers.
Among other things on my to do list for this summer.
-See Rancid and Rise Against in Baltimore
-Backpack across europe
-find a thousand dollars to buy a plane ticket to europe

Those may not be in order of importance